tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71039033387519574972024-02-08T08:35:52.608-08:00Twinks rants .....Twinkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07261334762330015167noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7103903338751957497.post-60525247267558757862014-06-08T04:31:00.000-07:002014-06-08T04:31:18.364-07:00Twinks' parenting tips. <div class="_56be tlUnit accelerateContainer _2mqq hasSecondaryActions accelerate" data-sigil="tlUnit" id="u_a_1f" style="-webkit-backface-visibility: hidden; -webkit-perspective: 1px; margin: 0px 10px 15px; position: relative; z-index: 2147483647;">
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<span class="tlActorText text_exposed" data-sigil="expose" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Rachel's 'parenting teenagers the right way' tip #5832<br /><br />Your teen<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"> asks you to pick them up from the cinema or a party.<br />Don't think this won't happen EVERY weekend. It will. And you'll go, because it's dark and dangerous and you're a bit of an arsehole.<br /><br />You then tell them a time. Make it an exact time like 10.30. Not 'about 10' that won't work.<br /><br />At 10.15pm you go upstairs, remove your bra, pop on your most washed up onesie (preferably one that's a bit worn at the crotch). You take your hair down. Mess it up a bit. Remove all make up and put a pair of comfy yet horrific slippers on.<br /><br />You then drive to the cinema/ party and arrive at 10.29.<br /><br />You give them 3 minutes. No more... Just 3... It's enough.<br /><br />If no teenagers are visible at this point. You get out of the car and go in.<br />Just walk right in to the party and start asking for them by name.<br /><br />You will only ever have to do this once.<br /><br />You're welcome.<br /><br />Rachel Keys, parenting expert as voted for by the whole of Twitter and my Mum 2014.</span></span></div>
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Twinkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07261334762330015167noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7103903338751957497.post-18674581727278063262014-01-10T04:45:00.001-08:002014-01-10T04:45:00.299-08:00The delights of the Housing Benefit system.<div>So.. Yesterday I arrived home to find a letter from Housing benefit office. They were suspending my claim as I still hadn't provided them with October's wage slip. Silly me... I'm fairly sure I've taken it not once... But TWICE (because they lost the first one) </div><div>Anyway I'm not one to argue.. I'll take it again.</div><div><br></div><div>So this morning I walk to the housing benefit office, armed with all my wage slips since 1967.. It's moved.</div><div>I walk a further 5 miles to the new office, which is now some large cattle market of worn down Ugg boots and Fred Perry jumpers.</div><div>It stinks. It stinks of actual shit.</div><div>I wait in line for what feels like 4 days, I'm feeling a bit dizzy now.. mostly due to the fumes from the obese woman in front of me which were a mixture of lard and tramps arsehole. </div><div>I eventually reach the front where I'm handed a ticket and moved along to a small holding area where I'm wedged between little Princess Lambrini and her Mum who appears to have forgotten she owns a child and is 'propa fuckin sick ov level 79 on candy crush'</div><div>A further 4 days passes.. Lambrini has attempted to empty my handbag 3 times and is now standing on my foot.</div><div>My name is finally called.. I go to a booth... Similar to those in maximum security prisons where you have to speak through a phone. </div><div>There is no phone.. Just Brenda behind a 3ft piece of bullet proof glass.. As I found out, there was a very valid reason for this.</div><div>I sit down and pull 836 pieces of paper from my bag..</div><div><br></div><div>Me.. Hi, you've asked for my October wage slip. Now I'm not being funny but I've already brought it twice... Anyway here, have it again.</div><div><br></div><div>Brenda.. *scans wage slip.. Tilts head slightly.. Adopts mildly smug looking face*</div><div><br></div><div>I'm not entirely sure at this point whether she was having a mild stroke or trying to hold a shit in.</div><div><br></div><div>Brenda.. This clearly says 30/09/13 .. The 9th month is September </div><div><br></div><div>Me.. No, Brenda it says PROCESSED on 30/09/13 ... PAID on 10/10/13 .. Making that OCTOBER.</div><div><br></div><div>Brenda .. *face slips a bit* oh, so it does... Well yes.. In that case we've already seen this .. Your claim will carry on as normal. </div><div><br></div><div>Me.. You're lucky you're behind glass Bren ... SO lucky.. </div><div><br></div>Twinkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07261334762330015167noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7103903338751957497.post-57287674841734667212013-03-04T15:54:00.001-08:002013-03-04T15:54:36.234-08:00World bastard book day.So.. It's here again, the day every parent with more than one child and a full time job dreads .. World fucking book day.<br />
<br />
School usually inform you of this day a good 48hrs in advance, via a letter sent with a 6yr old. This letter sits in their bag, wedged between a dead slug and a banana from last Tuesday, until they finally remember and hand it you at 10pm THE DAY BEFORE.<br />
<br />
The letter is always jolly and upbeat.. Reminding you in a patronising way how 'exciting' it is.. And 'have fun being creative' <br />
Since when has being creative been any fucking fun? <br />
And of course don't forget the 'prize' for best costume.<br />
To a 7yr old it's all about the prize .. Even though you're fully aware it will be a half melted Easter egg that Mr Smith found wedged at the back of the stationary cupboard.<br />
Your kid won't win the prize though.. It'll be the kid that wins it every year.. You know.. The smug faced one in his hand sewn Willy Wonka outfit, complete with top hat and an entire troop of Oompa fucking Loompas, that his Mum stayed up till 3am sewing ... (She got the pattern from Netmums) .. And judging by the neat sewing, she wasn't even pissed.<br />
<br />
I'm not 'that' mum.. I'm the mum who just crawled in from work after a 9 hour shift and instead of sewing is drinking gin and eating the kid's Monster Munch whilst contemplating if The Halloween costumes that she shoved in the loft will pass as 'creative' <br />
<br />
I'm going to give this a bit more thought before Thursday.. But still, I imagine it will go a lot like this.<br />
<br />
How to make the perfect World book day outfit.<br />
<br />
1, think of a character<br />
<br />
2, change your mind when it involves sewing<br />
<br />
3, open gin<br />
<br />
4, explain to child why making a spongebob outfit is a FUCKING STUPID IDEA<br />
<br />
5, top gin up<br />
<br />
6, Google book characters<br />
<br />
7, refresh Twitter<br />
<br />
8 play 2 levels of candy crush<br />
<br />
9 top gin up<br />
<br />
10 Hack wildly at a piece of material with scissors <br />
<br />
11 realise it now doesn't fit your child<br />
<br />
12, sleep in due to too much gin<br />
<br />
13, hurridly tie a saucepan to childs head. Boom . Faraway tree character<br />
<br />
14, thrust kit kat in child's hand. <br />
<br />
15, Leave houseTwinkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07261334762330015167noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7103903338751957497.post-82960193204335404672012-12-24T14:25:00.001-08:002012-12-24T14:25:06.773-08:00That's it!So... It started In about September.. <br />
<br />
That's right... Fucking CHRISTMAS<br />
<br />
Along the aisles in Spazda one side deckchairs and picnic sets.. The other side advent calendars and fucking matchmakers .. Then comes the adverts on TV and the shouts of I want that! And that! And that! Ooo look mummy an advert for Flash.. You can have that.<br />
Then there are the 'big store' adverts.. Usually some middle class bollocks about a Christmas jumper wearing family singing carols as the snow falls gently all around.... No sign of three kids smashing each others faces in with a Wii remote whilst the dad is pissed on Stella and the mum sits crying in the kitchen.<br />
<br />
Then the shopping starts... Usually out of bill money because as usual you never quite got round to saving up that 3K needed to keep every ungrateful twat happy... You head off to a shopping centre with a list that is 8 sides of A4 .. You barge your way through fat aisle hoggers and feral toddlers ... 'Accidently' elbowing 5 old people and a guide dog in the face... Red hot and dying for a piss you head back to the car.. Where is the car? You forgot to make a note of which carpark... You sit down and have a little cry.<br />
<br />
Then the wrapping starts... Usually late at night when you're half pissed.. 3 kids get up for 'a drink' .. Forcing you to hurridly attempt to hide a baby Annabell and a bike under the dog.<br />
<br />
As I type this it's time to play Santa... I've done it again... Made it to Christmas Eve! Nobody died.. Nobody starved.. Everybody has got what they wanted.. <br />
As much as I moan.. This bit is the best.. <br />
<br />
Merry Christmas everyone... Hang in there.. We can start all this again in 9 more paydays ;-) <br />
<br />
Love Twinks x <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Twinkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07261334762330015167noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7103903338751957497.post-24009000864389211802012-09-02T16:12:00.001-07:002012-09-02T16:30:24.318-07:00Holiday fuckery and hobnobs.So.. That's it.. It's over... Another six weeks of bickering, fighting and claiming 'I'm bored' whilst surrounded by more electrical gadgets than Currys. <br />
<br />
It wasn't too bad this year really.. I only contemplated suicide twice, which is three less times than last year. <br />
We also had four sunny days.. This made a nice change from hearing "oh my godd I wanna play out" to "mumm it's tooo hot I wanna stay in"<br />
It's always nice to vary the whinging.<br />
<br />
My food shopping bill tripled, this could possibly be down to my kids dragging any feral skin headed toddler off the estate in for ice lollies, crisps and drinks, 27 times a day.. Once the other kids get wind of this, there is a never ending line of hungry looking faces at your door.. "ere Levi, that woman at 89 has Fab lollies, your mam only has them iceland ice pops.. Fuck that, let's get round there"<br />
Or something along those lines.<br />
<br />
I have also spent the cost of a small family car on school uniforms and new pencils and bags and shoes and pumps and haircuts and lunch boxes.. But it's all worth it because in nine hours from now, small child will start full time school ... For the first time in as long as I can remember, I will be alone... Completely alone .. ALL DAY.. <br />
It's kind of life changing.. What will I do? <br />
Maybe I'll become really domesticated and clean 5 years of dirt from my house... Maybe I'll sort out the garden and keep my car lovely and clean.. I could even go to the gym and get in training for Rio..<br />
In reality though, I'll probably eat an entire pack of chocolate hobnobs whilst watching cash in the attic and enjoy the very much deserved SILENCE.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Unless I get pregnant again.... <br />
<br />
:-) Twinkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07261334762330015167noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7103903338751957497.post-87495686711239997972012-06-10T15:19:00.001-07:002012-09-02T16:30:19.261-07:00Washing bastard machines.Some things in life are just sent along to try me.<br />
By try me.. I mean beat me around the head until I'm a jibbering wreck .. <br />
Of course this didn't happen, as I'm a rock hard Northern bird.<br />
<br />
But trust me.. I'm coming close.<br />
<br />
On May the 2nd (that's quite a long time ago now) .. My 7 month old washer died.. Just stopped working.. Full of shitty water and clothes, at a really inconvenient moment... <br />
87 towels later I had scooped all the water out.. And rang the company to report it broken.<br />
<br />
"no problem" said a polite lady on the phone... "we'll just swap it for a new one"<br />
<br />
On the 8th of May (I've now been without a washer for 4 days) .. Two of the most miserable faced bastards ever to walk this earth turned up to collect the broken washer.<br />
<br />
They moodily hurled it on to the back of a van and sped off in to the distance.. <br />
<br />
No replacement washer was brought.<br />
<br />
I ring back to speak to the nice lady.. She has gone.. And has been replaced by Indian Dave.. <br />
<br />
Indian Dave hasn't a fucking clue what day it is.. Let alone what day my washer is arriving.. I hang up.<br />
<br />
And wait.<br />
<br />
And wait.<br />
<br />
And.<br />
<br />
Wait.<br />
<br />
A full 24 days.. And 842 phone calls later .. A washer arrives!!<br />
<br />
You can imagine my excitement as the miserable faced delivery man dumps it in the middle of my kitchen.. Has a shit in my downstairs toilet.. And hops back in is van.<br />
<br />
I grab a knife and start ripping open the packaging.. Deciding what to wash first.. Overjoyed that I no longer have to drag bin bags of knickers and skiddy boxers down my garden to my neighbours anymore.<br />
<br />
My excitement is short lived... As I discover that some boggle eyed arseclamp in the warehouse has dropped it .. Smashing the door to an attractive 90 degree angle.<br />
<br />
I lie on the floor and sob.<br />
<br />
It's a Friday..<br />
<br />
A Friday afternoon.. Late afternoon.. Not any Friday.. JUBILEE BASTARD WEEKEND FRIDAY...<br />
<br />
Indian Dave and his mates have long since abandoned the call centre phones.. And are probably pissed, face down in a coronation chicken sandwich.<br />
<br />
At this point.. Softer people would cry.. Or kick the broken washer.. Have a bit of a tantrum.<br />
<br />
I'm hard.<br />
<br />
I rang my mum.<br />
<br />
She took me to Comet and bought me a whole new washer.. (she was possibly concerned about my mental state.. As I'd been eyeing up knives and talking in an unusually high voice for the past hour) <br />
<br />
Comet were FANTASTIC... The new washer was delivered and fully installed within 16 hours .. All singing all dancing 9kg drum washer WITH A 14 MINUTE QUICK WASH!<br />
<br />
I was in love.. <br />
<br />
Down came curtains.. Duvets.. Coats.. EVERYTHING... <br />
<br />
Anything not fastened down was washed to within an inch of its life.<br />
<br />
It is now 6 days after that amazing day.<br />
<br />
I've just worked a 14 hour shift on an acute stroke unit.. Whilst nursing day 2 of the worst hangover known to man.<br />
<br />
I got home at 21.30 ... I set off at 06.00 am.. It's a long day is that.<br />
<br />
So obviously I should wash my uniform.. <br />
<br />
I pop it in.. Bit of Daz.. Swish of Lenor.. Turn the fancy knob.. Select amazing wash cycle...<br />
<br />
Press start...<br />
<br />
And BANG...<br />
<br />
Entire electric in the house trips off... The washer plug is welded to the socket...<br />
<br />
I'm now sat in the cupboard under the stairs in the dark .. Rocking and sobbing...<br />
<br />
It'll be fine though.... Right?... Because I'm hard...Twinkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07261334762330015167noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7103903338751957497.post-994007821027313452012-04-22T01:06:00.002-07:002012-09-02T16:30:13.653-07:00Twitters PMT stories<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Women really ARE mental.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last night on Twitter, I was having a conversation with @carlroney... He had argued with his wife, and wondered if all women were actually mental .... or just his wife.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This got me thinking about mildly mental things that I and other girls I know have done whilst having PMT ... hormones are a dangerous thing ... </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I asked my followers for any PMT stories that they had... or any from poor suffering men ....</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is what I received.....</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;">@<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">dafydd13 "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6666ff; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">@</s><b style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> I once had a box of hot vegetable chow mein thrown at me because it didn't have any beef in it. My fault apparently."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;">@<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">the_holy_log "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6666ff; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">@</s><b style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> Hehehe. My friend was annoyed at her husband watching the football so she put a brick through the telly, she was also naked"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">@roguebunny </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">."</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> my ex once threw a chip pan through a fucking window at me. Fucking menstrual cunt"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@canoeblue "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> I had a sky remote hoyed at my head because the wrong genre of music was on. The other side of PMT."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@ladyg117 "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> Reet. OH was playing my piano fucking badly.. Would not shut the fuck up.. So I turned off the electric and cut the plug off."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@mrsbodge "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> threw the iron at hubby when he asked me to iron a shirt as he'd been pub, iron was hot managed to embed it in the wall!!"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@louisee182 "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> I once threw my trousers at my mum and started crying because she didn't tuck the pockets back in after washing them"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@mrsbodge "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> took his dinner and cutlery into the pub as he was late the whole pub went silent not 1 person spoke threw it all at him & left"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@diaryofaledger "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> girlfriend and I had row before cinema. She turned up at cinema and demanded, in front of audience, that I drove her home."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@tummycustard "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> My ex yelled at me out of nowhere accusing me of being racist. "You don't like my friend because he's black!" I'd never met him."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@greatauntiejojo "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> kicked shopping across car park then went inside and had tantrum that ended with hitting myself over the head with a baking tray"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@arcpad "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> floods of tears in the street last week, no reason at all (apart from PMT and heavy shopping)"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@steve_hobson "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> I left a used tea bag on the drainer early one morning, mrs nearly left me"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@RUSSTIKI "</span></span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> my wife once threw a biscuit tin at my head & when I asked her why she did it , she said "I didn't!""</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@ladykirsty1982 "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> not PMT but i had HAD to throw dylans toast on the floor and put blob of flora light in his tea cas he pissed me off"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@gemster_ "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> well I got on a last minute flight to Toronto after a seriously bad pmt spell. As I landed I knew I had fucked up."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@fluffetyfluff "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> my friend once threw her husband out for a week because he didn't rinse the bottom of the washing up bowl after doing the pots"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@justhelens "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> Repeatedly slamming a glass paned door whilst screaming that I was going to stab my sister to death, and all the glass fell out."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@_snizzles_ "</span></span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> my mum on separate occasions threw my brother and a saucepan of boiling water at my dad!"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@gracie_k83 "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> my ex once complained that I'd not ironed his clean clothes. So I laid them all out in the front garden in the rain."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@bigblunderboy "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> obviously not PMT but i once taught a lesson to a frying pan of mince that was sticking by smashing it against the kitchen wall."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@kinglumpy "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> my mates girlfriend burned all his clothes and gave them back to him in a sandwich bag!"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@phatnova "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> my mum smashed a bottle of aramis over my head cos I refused to go to school , smelt like a nonce for weeks ... I was fourteen"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@toliveistoHAI "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> A mates girlfriend went nuts and smashed up the inside of his Volvo with a high heeled shoe. Who knew Volvos were so flimsy?"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@trey78uk "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> My mum frisbee'd the only record I owned at my head because I wouldn't go to bed. Dancing In The Street, Jagger and Bowie."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@its_spanner "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> yesterday night I heard "puff the magic dragon" on the radio, it made me well up. PMT at its worse."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@kinglumpy "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> my wife threw a full length mirror at me from the top of the stairs I was sitting at the bottom. Would have fckin decapitated me"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@jack744 "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> An ex threw a radio alarm at me because I didn't put it back an hour when the clocks changed. Could've been GMT though."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@death-stairs "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> ha! Once my GF cracked an authentic African musical shaker instrument over my head because I didn't want to watch Holby City"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@mandronicus "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> My ex took kitchen scissors to her hair in floods of tears, chopping major chunks out, shrieking she hated f'ing Nicky Clarke."</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">@drjatn "</span><a class=" twitter-atreply pretty-link" data-screen-name="tinytwinks" href="https://twitter.com/#!/tinytwinks" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: blue; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><s style="color: #6666ff; text-decoration: none;">@</s><b style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: inherit; font: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">tinytwinks</b></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> Friend went home with a perm, hub said "Hi Deidre". Cos of PMT she went back and had head shaved. "Hi Ken" said hub on return." </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">Certified proof that women are completely BATSHIT.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></div>Twinkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07261334762330015167noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7103903338751957497.post-37083162955285250392012-01-26T04:04:00.001-08:002012-09-02T16:29:54.704-07:00National Fucking Tyres.Just a teeny rant today... Well not really a rant... A warning.. Quite long actually... Try not to nod off..<br />
<br />
Yesterday I decided to check my tyres... Even to the untrained eye of a woman I could see they were illegal about 3 months ago... I quickly rang a few places... National tyres on Bull green coming up cheapest... <br />
<br />
I kicked the crisp packets and school letters.. A colouring book , a dolls head.. Half a unicorn and a shoe under the seat.. Sprayed febreeze in wild abandon and slid down the road to town...<br />
<br />
A kind man took my keys.. Told me it would be an hour and sent me off in to town...<br />
<br />
1 hour and 15 pointless waiting around purchases later I returned...<br />
<br />
Him..."Right madam... I've done your tyres ... But..."<br />
<br />
Me.. *heart stops beating*..."but??"<br />
<br />
Him..*sharp intake of breath through teeth*<br />
<br />
me..."but whatt????"<br />
<br />
Him... "well .. Your back brakes are binding, and are heavily corroded.. And well it's a big job love.."<br />
<br />
At this point, he may aswel have said the entire sentance in Russian.. I give him a gormless vacant look and mumble "how much?"<br />
<br />
Him.. "talking bout 380 love... And sooner rather than later really if your taking kids in the car" *waggles dirty finger under Ellies nose*<br />
<br />
me.... *falls to floor... Lies still a minute...*..."three... Hundred... And eighty pounds???"<br />
<br />
Him.. *fake sad face*..."yeah love... Soz"<br />
<br />
Me.."right erm yeah erm.. I'll have to go sell a kidney.. I'll get back to you"<br />
<br />
*flees garage clutching chest*<br />
<br />
I arrived home and decided to ring the nice lad at Seaman and Davidson .. Who had done my MOT a few months ago.... He told me to take it to him today.<br />
<br />
I arrived at 9am and he took my car, he said give us an hour , I'll have a look how bad it is ..<br />
<br />
An hour later I returned.. Feeling a bit sick... Maybe with worry.. Or maybe because of the sausage and egg Mc muffin I'd accidently eaten whilst waiting ...<br />
<br />
Me..."so???"<br />
<br />
Him..*no sharp intake of breath*<br />
"well .. It was sticking a bit.. So was a bit rusty .. I've taken it off cleaned it up.. Greased it, put it back on.. Loads of life left in it... Just give us a tenner love"<br />
<br />
Me.. *pounces on man.. Licks his face...*<br />
<br />
<br />
Sooo.. Be warned... Do not EVER use National Tyres.<br />
<br />
I'm going back down there this aft to call him a wanker and punch him in the cock. <br />
<br />
The end.<br />
<br />
Twinkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07261334762330015167noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7103903338751957497.post-20583283158874401572012-01-19T03:16:00.001-08:002012-09-02T16:30:00.320-07:00A fucking minibus!!!I watched BBC news last night ... (this doesn't happen often) it disgusted me enough to write about it though...<br />
<br />
<br />
An estate in Bradford now has a mini bus to drive round to individual houses in a morning to pick the kids up for school....<br />
Simply because the lazy ... Non working... Dressing gown wearing... Boggle eyed, fucktarded parents cannot be arsed to do the School run ....<br />
<br />
What the actual fuck? ...<br />
<br />
<br />
How about fining them?...<br />
Or taking away their 87 inch plasmas so they can't watch Jezza?... <br />
Or take a tenner off their dole for every day little McKenzie misses at school because his fat arsed mother was still in bed... <br />
Or worse still take away their weed and staffy dog ...<br />
<br />
<br />
All these would force the lazy twats outside..<br />
<br />
It showed the children being picked up from various shit ridden houses... All the doors answered by overweight, grubby dressing gown, fag smoking trolls...<br />
<br />
<br />
An actual quote from one of the pyjama clad yodas ...<br />
<br />
"I as 5 kids init... It's propa ard getting em all up an stuff.. Vey as bout free days a week off skool"<br />
<br />
I'll tell you what sweetcheeks.... Try GETTING UP A BIT FUCKING EARLIER!!..<br />
<br />
these scummy inbreds should be punished... Not fucking rewarded with a free bus service, so that they don't even have to get dressed!!<br />
<br />
This is EXACTLY what is wrong with this country..<br />
<br />
If you can't do the basic duties as a parent...<br />
<br />
Stop popping bloody kids out...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
THE END.<br />
<br />
<br />
#TwinksforPMTwinkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07261334762330015167noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7103903338751957497.post-31456693548716628042011-12-24T12:45:00.001-08:002013-12-24T12:26:28.830-08:00Perfect Christmas...<br>
Reading all the statuses and posts and blogs about the 'perfect' xmas eves.. Happy faced excited children, snuggled up watching films... <br>
Jolly parents relaxing with a glass of wine ..cracking walnuts and laughing at only fools and horses....<br>
<br>
Personally, I think people make this shit up... If you have more than one child... It is not humanly possible...<br>
<br>
Come 6pm on xmas eve, I can't wait to get the hyperactive little shits in bed..<br>
By this time, they have whinged, argued, fought and done the wall of death round the room for 2 hours after eating an entire selection box and 4 chocolate Santas ... <br>
The tree has been over twice... (the lights now dont switch on) ... There will be at least four arguments about what to leave out for Santa.. He'll end up woth a bottle of cider and a bag of Walkers...<br>
When I eventually do get them to bed, I'll shout "GO TO BLOODY SLEEP" till about 11pm, whilst trying to wrap the last 94 presents, holding a vodka...<br>
And ocasionally jabbing my finger in the turkey to see if there is any chance of the fucker defrosting before late January.<br>
The kids will eventually fall asleep around midnight.. By this point I'll be pissed and not give a toss... <br>
I'll forget to remove Santas food.. And fall in to bed at 2am... Only for a 5yr old to lift my eyelids at 4am screeching "HAS HE BEEEEN .. HAS HEEE???"...<br>
<br>
I'll then spend 3 hours buried under wrapping paper, clutching a coffee and 3 paracetamols.. Whilst various kids thrust toys in my face, that need a degree in engineering to remove from The box....<br>
<br>
The turkey will still be frozen solid.<br>
<br>
<br>
Sooo all in all a 'perfect fucking Christmas'<br>
<br>
Merry Xmas you lot xxx ;-)Twinkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07261334762330015167noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7103903338751957497.post-68827484486407632102011-10-03T01:50:00.000-07:002012-09-02T16:29:46.890-07:00School<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">School.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have 4 children .... yes 4 ... and yes we had a TV ... i'm just a bit easy before you make the joke.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">School wind the absolute tits off me ... </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From snooty faced PTA members who have nothing better to do in their life apart from knit yogurt and promote organic lunches .... to the we need £3 for this ... £2 for that... school dinners have gone up ... infact why don't you just direct your entire wage to us ... make is simpler... </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then there are the kids themselves ... most of them with names only the unemployed can spell.... and the horrendous gaggle of school run mums .... normally in two groups .... the fake Ugg boots and back tits group .... and the stillettos and far too much makeup for the school run group...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I stand in neither ... I'd rather spend 20 minutes with Jedward than make a conversation about educational after school activities..... and which dancing school little Chyna Mercedes is going to this weekend.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway, now you understand how much this place pisses me off .... here is a letter i wrote and sent to school after finding out one of my twins had beeen excluded from PE.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Dear sir/madam<br />
On learning that Megan has been excluded from PE since xmas, I was shocked and upset and wondered if she had developed some rare PE related asthma that I wasn't aware of ..</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"> Or maybe developed a life threatening allergy to bean bags and skipping ropes, that I would immediately have to run out and buy an epi-pen for.. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">As you can imagine I was extremely shocked to find this was not the case and it was much worse than I had expected......</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">She has the wrong coloured tshirt!! ......<br />
I would like to apologise sincerely for this and can fully understand how doing PE in a blue tshirt, instead of a green one, will have greatly hindered Megans ability to swing on the monkey bars. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">However.... </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I shall not be purchasing Megan another one, due to the fact your school likes to suck every penny out of parents and only sells the tshirt as part of a whole PE kit at a cost of £17.. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Please do not inform me Megan does not have correct shorts or I may combust.<br />
I have tried to send her with a better tshirt today that is more fitting with school policy, unfortunately the only one i could find is a Hello Kitty one with a bit of jam on the sleeve...</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">sorry about this.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Regards Rachel Keys</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span>Twinkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07261334762330015167noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7103903338751957497.post-75365388891878435552011-10-03T01:29:00.000-07:002012-09-02T16:29:38.987-07:00Morrisons.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It seems fitting that the first rant I post is about one of the places that pisses me off to the point of self harming.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Morrisons.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm not sure if this place is the same nationwide .... But here in Halifax it is like a cross between a massive shit Lidl and the Job Centre ... </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On Fridays (giro day)... it is filled with groups of muffin topped, flip flop wearing women who look like they have brushed their hair with a tofffee apple.... They are fighting over knocked down chips and there is always a faint whiff of piss and lard in the air.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway yesterday I decided to call in to my local friendly store and purchase some petrol and cigarettes .... this didn't go to plan ... </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have written this email to Morrisons to voice my disgust.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 12px;">Dear who ever it may concern.<br />
<br />
I have shopped at your Halifax branch of Morrisons for over 20 years.<br />
Other than large swarms of the great unwashed on giro day, I've never really had a problem with it.<br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><br />
Until now.<br />
<br />
Recently several staff were apparently sacked for not ID'ing underage smokers. Good I say, yes sack them.<br />
This however, seems to have turned the rest of the staff in to raging maniacs.<br />
<br />
So yes I am aware people need to be asked for ID if they look under 25, but also basic common sense surely needs to be applied somewhere... Doesn't it?<br />
<br />
For example...<br />
I am 34 years old.<br />
I pull up at the petrol station, I put £60 of petrol in my car .. I then enter the kiosk carrying a screeching child under 1 arm.<br />
I pick up bread, milk a womans own and head to the till.<br />
I am wearing yesterdays makeup, I have hair mildly resembling Kenn Dodd on a windy day and i'm wearing a jumper with crayon on one arm and a bit of child snot on the other.<br />
<br />
I say "number 4 please, this milk and 20 Lambert and Butler"<br />
<br />
Sandra behind the glass ..(I am now fully aware as to why they keep her behind glass) ... Says gruffly.."ID" ..<br />
<br />
Me wondering if i'd heard her right, was she coughing? Did she say i need a pee? ... Nope .. Her face is as straight as the bottom of my IKEA frying pan.<br />
<br />
"ID"... She barks again.<br />
<br />
Now personally i think Sandra needs the love of a good man.. Or maybe a shot of gin... Perhaps she'd had a bad day.. I'm not sure.<br />
<br />
Me, fairly shocked at a demand for ID that i didnt have to show EIGHTEEN years ago says .."erm sorry but i'm 34!"<br />
<br />
At some point you'd think sandras common sense would have kicked in... Do 17 year olds have tits like socks on a washing line?... A toddler? A car? Read womans own? ( only for the recipes honest) .. Have bags under their eyes the same size as Sandra's?<br />
<br />
No they don't.<br />
<br />
Sandra barked that she ID'd EVERYONE..<br />
Really Sandra? Everyone? Even Mavis who comes in with a zimmer and cataracts?... No i don't think you do, do you?<br />
<br />
At this point I left, only paying for my petrol (I'm not a chav)<br />
<br />
My point here is, Morrisons is now losing my £6.50 a day ... I may also boycot bread and milk yet, I haven't decided.<br />
But let me tell you thats alot of money a month.<br />
<br />
A small training course on common sense might help Sandras attitude.<br />
Do you do common sense when demanding ID courses?<br />
<br />
If not, then you should.<br />
<br />
To be honest though I probably wouldnt involve Sandra.<br />
<br />
She could be deployed to the fish counter. She'd fit in well there.<br />
<br />
Regards<br />
Rachel Keys.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 12px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><br />
</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 12px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><br />
</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 12px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><br />
</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 12px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><br />
</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #edeff4; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 12px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><br />
</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 12px;">I searched for Morrisons customer services Email address .... of course they don't have one ... </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 12px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 12px;">so using the power of Google and Twitter, I have sent it straight to the top.. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 12px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 12px;">I shall post the reply .... If i get one..... </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 12px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 12px;">I'm not holding my breath.</span></span></div>Twinkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07261334762330015167noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7103903338751957497.post-45566247890800114382011-10-03T01:19:00.000-07:002011-10-03T01:19:32.825-07:00Hello<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hi, I'm Twinks ... ..</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Obviously that isn't the name my mum gave me ... as she isn't a 17 year old council estate chav... but Twinks will do for now.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm here to post my rants and daily pissed off with the general publicness ... and also to post anything else I cant fit in to 140 characters on T</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">witter.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have often been told i should write my rants down ... I probably have anger management issues, I dunno ... but I've found as I've got older that most things in life piss me off ... mainly involving people.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't really like people ... on the whole I find they are a bunch of cock wombles ...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Read if you want ... or don't bother ... i shan't sob in to my pillow over it. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">all negative comments will be read and filed under 'I don't really give a toss'</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">happy reading </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">love Twinks x</span></div>Twinkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07261334762330015167noreply@blogger.com0