Saturday 24 December 2011

Perfect Christmas...


Reading all the statuses and posts and blogs about the 'perfect' xmas eves.. Happy faced excited children, snuggled up watching films...
Jolly parents relaxing with a glass of wine ..cracking walnuts and laughing at only fools and horses....

Personally, I think people make this shit up... If you have more than one child... It is not humanly possible...

Come 6pm on xmas eve, I can't wait to get the hyperactive little shits in bed..
By this time, they have whinged, argued, fought and done the wall of death round the room for 2 hours after eating an entire selection box and 4 chocolate Santas ...
The tree has been over twice... (the lights now dont switch on) ... There will be at least four arguments about what to leave out for Santa.. He'll end up woth a bottle of cider and a bag of Walkers...
When I eventually do get them to bed, I'll shout "GO TO BLOODY SLEEP" till about 11pm, whilst trying to wrap the last 94 presents, holding a vodka...
And ocasionally jabbing my finger in the turkey to see if there is any chance of the fucker defrosting before late January.
The kids will eventually fall asleep around midnight.. By this point I'll be pissed and not give a toss...
I'll forget to remove Santas food.. And fall in to bed at 2am... Only for a 5yr old to lift my eyelids at 4am screeching "HAS HE BEEEEN .. HAS HEEE???"...

I'll then spend 3 hours buried under wrapping paper, clutching a coffee and 3 paracetamols.. Whilst various kids thrust toys in my face, that need a degree in engineering to remove from The box....

The turkey will still be frozen solid.


Sooo all in all a 'perfect fucking Christmas'

Merry Xmas you lot xxx ;-)

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